A Season of Change
by fanficmistress18
Summary: I decided that I wanted to write a fic of the aftermath of Season 2 finale. Also this is my first fic that has not been completed before I posted it. I have some idea of where this is going but since I don't know for sure I have rated it M. Chap 7,8,and
1. Aftermath

"Seth," I ask timidly. The gunshots have stopped now and the only sound I hear is the one of my heartbeat. It's so loud. I feel Seth get off of me, where he has been since the shots started, as a man comes over to help me up.

"Are you okay Miss?" The man asks as I get a glimpse of him. I assume he must be a police officer by the uniform, which leads me to wonder who called 911. I look around the room and all I see is blood. The police-officer must not like my non-answer because he leading me out as he says; "Let's have a paramedic check you out."

I allow him to lead me outside but as I walk out I notice what I'd been dreading. There are three ambulances and two cop cars surrounding the apartment. I can't see inside the ambulances, but one is driving away as another has only one door of the back open. I walk over to it knowing that I won't like what I see. The police officer that helped me up is yelling for me to come back but for some reason I just keep walking. As I approach the ambulance a paramedic moves to shut the door. For a brief second I can see Seth on the stretcher with blood all over the sheets. As the door shuts I start to pick up my pace. I need to see Seth. I need to be with him. But before I have a chance to run to the now driving away ambulance the police officer has caught up to me and is now holding me back.

"Miss… Miss… Please… Let's get you checked out," I hear the police officer say but all I can focus on is seeing Seth.

"No, No I have to see him," I say but now the ambulance is out of sight and the police officer is dragging me opposite to get checked out. I sit down defeated as the paramedic starts to check me out. There is blood all over me, which is why they were so worried about my health. It is then that I realize that it's not my blood. I tell the paramedic this, and that I need to go see Seth but she doesn't listen. As she's cleaning me up I notice another stretcher coming out. This one has a sheet over it. They place it next to the last ambulance. I can see inside this one and I notice there is already a body bag in it.

I can't just sit anymore. I walk over to that ambulance again people are yelling at me to stop, but I don't listen. I go to lift up the sheet but am stopped again, by the police officer. He tries to get me away but he is too late. I manage to lift up the sheet. I stand there in shock as he pulls me away. Then the sobs come. I can't stop them; this is just way too overwhelming. I fall into the police officer, as I can't seem to stand on my own anymore.

"Come on, I'll take you to the hospital," The police officer says as he directs me to his police car. He helps me get into the front seat. The tears are still coming down but not as bad. I decided that I can't do this on my own, so I was going to have to call someone.


	2. Bullets

**A/N : I have no knowledge of anything having to do with guns... The reason I say this is because in this chapter I say that there are six shots fired. I have no clue what kind of gun was in the season finale or how many shots it would actually fire so six seemed fine to me. If it really bothers you just correct me and I'll correct it on here. Otherwise enjoy...

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"Hello," I say into the receiver, and for a moment there is silence. I'm driving back from dropping Kirsten off, which was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. No one wants to leave their wife at a rehab center.

"Mr.… Mr. Cohen?" A voice asks so quietly I almost couldn't hear it.

"Summer?" I question.

Another pause before I hear, "Its Seth… and Ryan," Summer says her voice still barely above a whisper.

"Summer what's wrong?" I ask and as soon as I do she starts into this sobbing mumble and is rambling so fast that I can't make out what she is saying, "Summer," I say trying to break through, "Summer I can't… I don't… Summer… slow down."

At this point she must have handed the phone off because a calm voice comes on, "Mr. Cohen I presume."

"This is he, what's wrong?" I ask severely alarmed.

"Hello this is Dr. Hubbard. You're sons Seth and Ryan are at the Newport Memorial and need consent for surgery. I worked on Seth when he came in and as far as I know Ryan is still in the ER, without your consent we can't perform surgery," Dr. Hubbard says.

"Yes, do what you have to. I'll be there as soon as possible," I pronounce as I pick up the pace.

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When I arrive at the E.R., I see an astounding number of people outside including media. After I fight my way through people, I ask the desk where my sons are and how they're doing. They can only tell me the first part, saying that both were now in surgery. I run up to the surgical floor only to have them tell me I have to wait to see my sons. I am almost at the point of screaming obscenities, wondering what has happened and why no one will tell me how my sons are, as they lead me to the waiting room where I find Summer and a police officer waiting also.

Before I can say anything the police officer comes over to me and speaks, "Hello I'm Officer Petty. I was first to arrive at the scene."

"Would someone please tell me what has happened to my sons," I say interrupting.

The officer looked over at Summer who was just sitting there. Then continued, "We were called to the scene by a neighbor who thought they had heard a gunshot. When we came to investigate, we found that six bullets were fired. We don't know exactly where all six are or how the situation went down. I'm afraid only this young lady knows," he says pointing to Summer, "And at the moment I believe she's still in shock."

"Can you give us a minute?" I ask the officer who looks at Summer, then nods and leaves the room. I turn to go sit by Summer. When I reach her I ask, "Are you okay Summer?"

She looks at me for a moment and all I see is fear. Then she nods slowly and whispers, "I'm here."

"Can you tell me what happened?" I inquire. I'm hoping since I'm here now that she can tell me.

"Trey… and Marissa… while in Miami… Marissa told… I told Seth… Ryan… went…," Summer started. Well at least I can hear her now.

"Summer," I say interrupting, "Okay we are going to go slowly. Take a deep breath. Now where did it happen?"

Summer looks at me for a moment, takes a breath like I told her and then utters, "Trey's apartment."

"Who was there?" I ask.

"Trey, Ryan…Marissa…Seth and I," Summer whispers pausing around Marissa's name.

"Okay take a deep breathe. Now can you start at the beginning and tell me why you were all there?" I say hoping she won't start rambling again.

"Trey… he… I guess he was…high or drunk…and he tried to rape Marissa," Summer says.

I interrupt her furiously, "He raped her, When?"

"He almost…she got away. But it was over spring break when you were in Miami," Summer says slowly.

"And let me guess Ryan found out," I say letting it all sink in.

Summer nodded then added, "Marissa told me and I told Seth who told Ryan."

"Okay so Ryan went over to Trey's," I infer, continuing her on.

"Seth and I tried to get over there as fast as we could but Seth thought since Marissa was closer she could get there faster," She says calm now but I can tell by her voice that she is still on edge, "Marissa beat us and by the time we got there."

She has stopped and I allow the pause considering I need it too, but as she looks at me I nod for her to continue and she does, "When we walked in. Marissa was… she was on the… on the floor, sobbing, and… and there… there was a… gun."

"A gun?" I ask stunned. A gun, this was not good not good at all.

"They… they won't tell me anything," Summer continues, "But when Officer Hubbard walked me out I saw…Seth in an ambulance… with blood all over, and then…"

As she starts to cry again I pull her into a hug and let her. After awhile she had stopped and I finally get her to fall asleep. I lay her down as I go out to talk to the officer. When I get out into the hall I find the officer talking to a doctor.

"Mr. Cohen I presume," He says as I shake my head yes, "I'm Dr. Hubbard we spoke on the phone."

"How are my sons?" I demand.

"Well I just finished surgery on Seth; he is in recover, and I believe that Ryan is still in surgery," He says as he ushers me down the hallway, "We can talk in private in here." I look back to find the officer going back in to sit with Summer, so I follow Dr. Hubbard into the office area knowing full well that I'm not going to like what I'm about to hear.


	3. Cohen

**A/N: Okay so this chapter's wording might be a little confusing but I figure that Seth rambles a lot and if he can't verbalize it out loud he probably does it ten times more in his head. So this is me trying to get inside Seth's head which I hope I do okay... Also it is unbetaed so the grammer is probably extremely off but I wanted to get this out so ignore that and we will all be okay.

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A bright light shines through as I begin to open my eyes. I fight to realize where I am. The first thing that comes to mind would be a hospital, but why a hospital, oh Trey right. Where's Summer? Is she hurt? Oh what the hell. There's a huge pain running through my neck. Make it stop.

"Seth?" I try to turn toward the voice but realize that I can't move.

"Dad… Help," I say but he just looks at me. "Dad," I state but again he is just looking at me with a look in his eyes that is scaring me. It looks like a mix of worry and pain.

"Listen Seth you can't talk right now because there is a tube in your throat to help you breathe," Someone else says coming into my line of view. What the hell a tube. Okay someone needs to tell me what is wrong now. At this cue the strange man continues, "I'm Dr. Hubbard, I was your surgeon," Note to self surgeon not a good word, "When you came in we found a gunshot wound in your mid-back." A gunshot wound, in my back, god damn Trey. It is all his fault that I'm lying here with a tube in my throat. "Seth are you listening?" Yeah, yeah I'm listening, but I can't talk anyway, so I can't tell you that, so what point is there for me to listen. "Seth?" I roll my eyes and I'm guessing this is enough to let them know that I'm listening because he continues. "We were able to remove the bullet." That's good so everything will be okay again. "However, because of it's location in your spine we are worried about paralysis." Paralysis? Like not being able to move paralysis. "We won't know anything until the swelling goes down." Paralyzed, I'm going to be paralyzed probably for the rest of my life. "We should be able to take the tube out in a day or so." Damn I want it out now. Why can't they take it out now?

"Seth?" My dad says coming back into the line of view. The doctor must have left because I don't see or hear him. "I'm going to go talk to the doctor for a little bit are you okay in here by yourself." Yeah not like I can do anything, I mean I have a damn tube down my throat, and I can't feel anything let alone move it, must be the swelling, which he said would go down. "Seth?" Dad says again and I roll my eyes since that worked the last time, he takes this as his cue and leaves the room. God I want out of here.

"Seth?" A different, much more vulnerable voice says. Summer, she's alright. She is in my line of view now and nothing seems to be wrong, well except the tears in her voice and eyes. She's trying hard to smile at me but I can tell that she's scared. She's scared of me, but who wouldn't be? I'm lying in a hospital bed with a tube coming out of my throat, with the thought of being paralyzed forever. I wonder if she was in here when the doctor was explaining it, cause then she already knows, and that might be why she's crying, because I'm going to be paralyzed forever, and she doesn't want to be with me anymore. "Seth its okay, I'm here." Okay so she might still want me or she's just putting on a show. "What is going on in that head of yours Cohen?" She says with a small smile. At least she still calls me Cohen. She sits down next to me and I can't see her anymore. Her hand on my head brushes my hair out of my face while her voice tells me what I need to know, "Sorry you're stuck with me, because I'm not going anywhere Cohen."


	4. Distress

**A/N: Again unbetaed so I apologize for the grammer. If you have a problem with it just email me and I'll fix it.**

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"Sandy? What's wrong?" I ask into the phone. I'm not supposed to be on the phone for another, I'm not even sure how many hours.I was in the middle of group when Dr. Woodrift came in and said that my husband was on the phone and it was an emergency.

"Kirsten, how are you doing so far?" Sandy inquires through the phone in an obviously fake cheerful tone.

"Sandy they wouldn't let me talk to you if something wasn't wrong, just tell me," I say back.

"Something's happen," He states but then pauses. I press him on, and he continues, "Seth and Ryan are in the hospital," Was not expecting that, and was silent for a moment before Sandy feeling the need to fill the silence, like always, went on, "They were at Trey's… there was a gun," Oh my god a gun, "Seth is awake and the prognosis is good but Ryan… He lost a lot of blood and they… they aren't sure if he'll make it through the night."

"I'm on my way," I say, but as I went to hang up the phone Sandy protests, "No Kirsten, I don't want you to worry about it. I just felt you should know. You have to get yourself better."

"You just said that my sons are in the hospital and one is facing the possibility of death and you expect me not to worry and not to come," I raise my voice at this. I know Sandy only wants to help but I need to be there for Seth and for Ryan.

"But if you're not better than it won't help," he replies.

"I promise I'll come back once the boys are okay. I just need to be there right now Sandy. I need to see them," I declare.

"Okay talk to the doctor then let me talk to him," Sandy says agreeing to my leaving, and I head over to Dr. Woodrift.

"I need to go home my sons are in danger," I articulate.

"We don't recommend that patients leave but since you came on your own free will, you can leave when you want," the doctor says.

"I plan on coming back once my sons are okay. Is that fine?" I ask.

"We will hold your bed until then, and I hope you do come back," The doctor says as he takes the phone from me. I'm already halfway to my room by the time he says hello.

"I'm here to see my sons," I say to the receptionist. She's asking me the names when I see Sandy down the hall. "Sandy!" I exclaim as I run towards him. He pulls me into an embrace.

As he backs away he starts talking, "Seth's awake if you want to see him," Sandy utters, obviously relieved that I'm here, "but I better warn you."

I'm not listening to him at this point, all I can think about is if my son is okay. I walk past him into Seth's room. The first thing I see is Summer sitting next to Seth, who is lying in the hospital bed, stiff as a board hooked up to a respirator. I glance back at Sandy, who has followed me in, with a look that can only be described as horror. Tears begin to fill my eyes as Sandy mutters, "It's okay, he's going to be okay."

I turn back around and my motherly instincts have kicked in. All I want to do is make him feel better, so as his eyes open I walk over. I hold back my tears as I brush his hair back, "Hi, sweetie," I whisper. Confusion crosses his face when he sees me, obviously not expecting to. "I'm here honey. I'm always here for you." I know he can see the tears in my eyes. I just grab his hand and am surprised to find that he doesn't grab back. Is he mad at me? No, he is upset about something though, I can see it in his eyes. I look back at Sandy but he just looks at me. Summer has the same look on her face and I decide that I have to find out what exactly is wrong. "I'm going to go see Ryan then I'll be back." I say as another look crosses his face. He obviously knows Ryan's in danger and is scared for him also.

When Sandy and I are out of the room I ask, "What exactly is wrong with Seth?"

Sandy looks down. He's trying to think of the right words, I guess he has them because he looks back up at me. I see tears in his eyes now too. He then explains, "Seth is facing paralysis."

"What?" I reply but am still extremely confused, "Sandy what happened at Trey's?"

"The short version," Sandy replies, "Trey tried to rape Marissa while the boys and I were in Miami. She got away but she didn't tell Ryan. She didn't tell anyone until Summer. Summer told Seth and Seth told Ryan."

"Let me guess Ryan went to take care of it," I say knowing Ryan all too well.

"Yes, He went over there and Seth, Summer and Marissa tried to stop him. When Marissa got there I guess Trey had the upper hand in the fight. And from what I gathered from Summer, Marissa shot Trey."

"Oh my god," I say, not know what else to do I sit. In the middle of the hallway my knees give and I sit on the ground. Sandy comes down to my level and puts his arms around me.

"The first officer to arrive at the scene said that six shots were fired. They know now that one went into Trey, and Seth, while two each went into Ryan and Marissa. The one that hit Trey hit his aorta and he was pronounced dead at the scene, but it's presumed that before this he grabbed the gun and started firing. The bullet in Seth went into his spine, they removed it but don't know how much it will help. There is swelling around the cord at the moment, but even once that goes down the doctor is still expecting him to be paralyzed. The two that went into Ryan hit him in the leg and the heart. He was already weak from his fight but they were able to remove the bullets. The amount of blood he lost was enormous. The doctor said his body is in a comatose state because of the stress. Marissa… The two that hit her were both in her heart and she… was also pronounced dead at the scene." Sandy stops now done explaining all he knows, he looks relieved that he could share this with someone, but the tears that we threatening to fall earlier have decided that they wanted to make a river. I'm sobbing into his arms not caring that I look like shit, not caring that everyone is staring; all I care about is the health of my sons. As the sobs slow, I get up. I need to see Ryan.

I walk in to find him lying in the hospital bed in the same position as Seth was; he is also hooked up to a respirator. The only difference between Seth and Ryan is that Ryan's eyes aren't open. I walk over to him immediately saying more to myself, "It's okay, everything's going to be okay." The tears that haven't stopped speed up now. I have to be strong for my sons but I can't. I just can't be strong enough. I fall into Sandy's open arms again as I fear losing my sons forever.


	5. Envisage

**A/N: I decided that I wanted to do a coma dream. So Ryan is still in a coma but this is what is going on in his mind while he's in this coma. Basically it is a "What if?" and it is a What if Ryan didn't go to Newport. Also this is like a dream, so the timeline is not defined. Also I wanted to get this out to you, so it isn't betaed, and it might suck cause I just wrote it tonight, but I like is so I hope you do too.

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**"Ryan! Get your ass up!" A voice yelled trough the wall. I squirm being awakened from my sleep. "Ryan!" The voice yells again I look over at the clock. "Shit," I mumble as I realize I'm late for school. I quickly throw on a wife beater and jeans, then grab a hoodie and my backpack on my way out. "If you are late for school again Ryan!" I look over at my mother briefly, trying not to notice the cup in her hand.

"I thought you had a new job mom." I say knowing that something happened to get her fired.

"Just mind your own damn business Ryan!" She screams as I head out the door. I pick up my bike, shaking my head and ride off toward school.

"Ryan man, where have you been?" Trevor asks me as I lock my bike up.

"I overslept," I reply, not really in the mood to mess with Trevor.

"Man you are goin to get hurt. Do you not know what's goin down tonight?" He asks me.

"Of course I know what's going down tonight," I answer. I always know what's going down because of Trey. He seems to always be at the front of it and I always seem to be in the middle. I reply to this, "The question is how do you know?"

"I know everything, and I'm coming along," He whispers right before we split to walk our separate ways.

"No, you're not!" I yell after him. I hate that Trey told me about tonight and I don't want anyone else along. It was bad enough when we got caught for stealing the car, and if Trevor knows what's going on the police probably do too. I walk in for my second class of the day, having missed the first. I drift off as the teacher tries to explain Algebra to us. I know it all anyway, and after tonight it won't matter.

"Ryan, Ryan!" I awake from my slumber to someone shaking me. I open my eyes to find Teresa standing over me. I look up at the classroom clock to realize that I've slept through the bell. Luckily Teresa is looking out for me so I won't miss my whole day. "What the hell is going down tonight?"

"You know too?" I question still trying to wake up. I just feel extremely tired today.

"Ryan," Teresa mutters in a disappointed voice.

"Teresa, just stay out of it," I reply, I don't need to involve her in it too.

"Damn it, Ryan. Tell me what's going to happen tonight," She says.

"No," I simply reply, "I refuse to get you involved."

"What is Trey doing tonight?" She persists.

"He's just trying to help us out the only way he knows," I tell her knowing that she wasn't going to quit until I told her at least something.

"What happened the last time Trey tried to help you out?" She asks not really asking. As I go to reply she does so for me, "You were thrown into juvie for a month, because Trey stole a car and you were along for the ride. What do you think is going to happen this time? You think you are going to get off as easily? Hell no Ryan, you are going to be in ten times as much trouble, plus isn't Trey on probation? Ryan, don't do anything with Trey it will just end up worse then last time."

"Teresa, it's not that easy we don't have the money. He can get it for us. All he needs is my help," I reply.

"What good is money if you can't see this baby grow up?" Teresa says. I look toward her stomach, which has a very cute bulge in it.

"We won't get caught," I utter trying to reassure her but I'm not so sure myself.

"Trevor knows, everybody knows," Teresa says, "Just be careful, for us please."

"I will," I declare, knowing that she's right and if Trevor knows, we are in for trouble.

"Ryan!" I jolt awake as my name is screamed across the house. Damn A.J. is home.

"Ryan, you little fucker, get your ass out ere!" A.J. continues to yell, "Before I have to go in there and you don't want that!"

"What A.J.?" I say as I walk out trying to remain calm.

"Come ere fucker!" He yells. It is now that I realize that his words are slurred more than usual. I walk over towards him cautiously, which is obviously not good enough for him as he lunges for me. We roll around on the floor him getting more punches in then me.

"Damn it A.J. get off him," Trey says as he walks into the house.

"I'll do whatever I damn well please, besides the little fucker deserves it," A.J. slurs.

"Not today A.J.," Trey says as he helps me up, "We're leaving, we'll be back late."

"Where you goin?" A.J. asks.

"None of your business," Trey replies.

"I hope you get caught. Then I wouldn't have to support your lazy asses, damn mother fuckers," A.J. mutters as he goes to get another drink.

"Bye ma," Trey says as he leads me out the door. It is at this point that I notice she had watched A.J. attack me, and she hadn't done a damn thing.

"Thanks for the help ma!" I yell as Trey leads me out.

After we had gotten out of the house Trey says to me, "After tonight you won't have to worry about A.J. again." I just nod as I follow him to my bike. He gets on the seat and I prepare to get onto the back, "Tonight all our problems are over."


	6. Friends

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long. I wrote this all today because it's been swimming around in my head for weeks; I just haven't gotten around to typing it out. Anyway here it is... enjoy

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** I sit next to Seth's bed where I have been for the past couple of days. Seth is rambling to his mom about the new comic book that she has to get for him. I've tuned him out like I always do whenever comic books come up. I've never been much for comic books but I know Seth likes them so I pretend to listen. I've gotten pretty good at pretending too.

I can't believe that two days ago all I wanted was to hear Seth's annoying rambles, but now that the tube came out today, it's like he has to make up for that lost time and has been talking none stop. Then again I've been here almost all the time, except when I am forced to go home and take a shower; otherwise this has become my chair.

"Summer?" Mrs. Cohen declares snapping me out of my thoughts, "Do you want to go get the comic book with me?"

"I don't think I will," I reply not really wanting to go to the comic book store if I didn't have to.

"Okay," She says but I know she wanted me to go with her. I just can't bring myself to go though.

After his mom leaves Seth turns to me and asks, "Have you seen Ryan yet?" I shake my head no.

"Will you go see him for me? Considering that I'm still trapped here and can't see him myself. I just want him to know that I'm thinking about him," Seth says.

"Okay, but you do realize that he is still in the coma" I reply and following Seth's request I head to Ryan's room.

"Yeah but maybe he'll come out of it if he knows I'm okay and here for him," Seth exclaims after me. At least this will give me a break from the rambling.

I walk in slowly. It is weird to find Ryan just lying there. Then again Ryan didn't say much, so that isn't as unusual. But he was always so strong and lying there, he just looks really weak. He still has the tube in his throat, and his eyes are closed.

I went and sat in the chair by his bed, "Ryan," I say not knowing how else to start. He remains in the same position he was. "Seth wants you to know that he is thinking about you. He would tell you himself except that he is trapped." Again no movement comes from Ryan. It's almost like he's not listening. Maybe this is why I have avoided coming to see him. After what seems like forever a nurse comes in to take vitals.

I get up to leave figuring I would leave them alone as the nurse says, "You can stay. I'm about done."

"It's okay I don't know what to say anyway," I reply.

"Just say what you are thinking," The nurse suggests as she walks out.

"Okay," I utter now to myself. I walk back over to Ryan and sit again. I realize now why this is so hard, besides the fact that he's lying motionless in a bed.

"We have never really been friends have we?" I ask knowing I won't get a reply. "You've always been Ryan, the kid from Chino, who was Cohen's foster brother or Marissa's on again off again boyfriend. We've never been just friends. I guess that'll change now, considering…" I trail off letting it sink in.

I figure I'll tell him about Seth now since that's what I came in for, "Seth's awake. He even got that nasty tube out. The swelling has gone down too. He can sit up and move his arms and head and everything…. He still can't move… or even feel anything below his waist." I'm crying at this point. I have never cried more than in the past two days. "They don't know if he'll ever regain feeling… They don't know if you'll ever wake up… They don't know anything and it sucks. It sucks that this happened and that I can't do anything. I realize that this is the most we've ever talked, well that I've ever talked to you, and I just totally broke down." I stop for a moment with again no reaction from Ryan, "Seth needs you to wake up Ryan. The Cohen's need you to wake up. I need you to wake up."


	7. Grief

**I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update. I ** **was extremely busy with school and then I think my muse left me. But I am back and as a thanks to all of you who have stuck with this story I have not one but three new chapters and I hope to get this story done as soon as possible. However I do have two weeks of school left so I can't promise it will be immediately but I promise it will not be three or four months. So enjoy and I hope you don't mind the smaller chapters.**

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It's been two weeks since I got the phone call from Sandy. Two weeks of sobriety all because both of my boys are in the hospital. At least Seth is awake. The doctors keep saying he will never walk but they don't know my Seth. He will walk again and I know it.

"Marissa's funeral was yesterday." I tell Ryan. "I'm sorry you couldn't make it. It was really beautiful."

Ryan lies there as he always does. I just wish there was something more I could do. Both of my boys are in trouble and I can't help them. I can't take there place and I can't take away there pain with just a kiss. Any mother will tell you that the worst pain is watching your child hurt and knowing that you can't make them feel better.

I've spent a lot of time with Ryan, crying, praying, and asking him and whoever else to let him wake up. Still he just lies there, not moving, not speaking, and not smiling. I miss his smile and his blue eyes. I just want my sons back. "I'm sorry Ryan." I have done so much apologizing. I feel as if this is all my fault. I'm the one who wasn't the mother I was supposed to be. I'm the failure and now they are paying for it. I wish I could have been there to protect them. I wouldn't be going through this now. If I would've done my job, Ryan wouldn't be lying here facing death and Seth wouldn't be facing paralysis. My eyes close slowly as I drift off to sleep, crying as always.


	8. Heartache

I walk over to Kirsten who is asleep in a chair next to Ryan. I kiss her forehead which doesn't even cause her to rustle. It's been a couple of weeks for all of us. I myself have only had a few hours of sleep, but I think she has taken it hardest. She keeps bringing up the things she said to Ryan and how she didn't mean them. We try to split our time between the boys evenly, but since Summer and Seth were both asleep in Seth's room I figured I'd come see Ryan.

I walk to the other side of the bed and sit down in a chair next to it. I lean over and whisper to Ryan, "Hey Ryan." I stop and make sure that I didn't wake Kirsten then continue, "It's been one hell of a week. Seth started physical therapy. He's still paralyzed, but doing better. He can sit up by himself and even helped the nurses out when they moved him to the chair. He's been begging them and us to let him come see you but the doctor said he can't until a few more sessions with the therapist. We miss you Ryan." I lean back now and just watch, hoping for him to open his eyes. Ryan was always so strong and seeing him like this just breaks my heart. When I get no response I speak, "I know you hate hospitals and the thought of being weak. But you're very strong Ryan, no matter what you think. The doctor's didn't think that you'd make it through the night and here you are a week later. All you need to do is open your eyes and then we can take you home." Kirsten stirs a little in the chair, which means if I want her to keep sleeping I have to leave. "I'll be back later Ryan."

With that I leave the room. That was my first time pleading Ryan to come back. I feel a lump in my throat, as I head out of Ryan's room. I barely make it to the end of the hall before the tears start falling and I just collapse. All the wear of the week has taken its toll. All the being strong for Kirsten, Summer and the boys fades away as the river of tears fall from my face. I have finally given into my hurt, my pain, the realization that this tragedy was taking my boys away from me. Whether it be Seth not being able to walk anymore or Ryan in a coma. "They are never going to be the same and I can't help them. I can't do anything about it." I say aloud. I look up as I continue, "Whoever is listening, please help my sons. Please let them be okay. Let me help them. Let me take there place. This isn't right. This isn't the way it's supposed to be." I've drawn a crowd now but I don't notice any of them except when I feel Kirsten's arms around me. She's holding me like I held her that night. I try and stop but the tears are like a waterfall and they won't allow me too. So I just sit in her arms and pretend that the rest of the world has faded away.


	9. Indestructible

It's been three weeks since the accident and I still can't feel my legs. I hate physical therapy it sucks completely. The only good thing about it is that today if I "do well" they are going to let me go see Ryan. I was up extra early in anticipation. I can't believe that they have let me go three weeks without seeing him. He's lying on his death bed and I can't even go talk to him.

"Are you ready Seth?" The therapist Dr. Winely asks.

"Yes," I say trying to get out of bed myself.

"Wait I'll help. Why are you in such a hurry?" He asks as he helps me into the chair.

"I'm going to see Ryan," I say as I start wheeling out the door.

"Wait no we have a session. Maybe afterwards… "Dr. Winely suggests but I cut him off.

"No you've said that for two weeks now and I want to see Ryan so I'm going to see him and If you want to try to stop me that's fine but I'm going to see him whether you like it or not," At this point I'm banging against him and proceed to hit him in the shins with my chair making him move out of the way and I take my chance. He'll be proud I've really learned how to maneuver the chair so I lose him quickly. I know he'll be up at Ryan's room soon so I have to make it fast.

I get in and find no one is there. I roll over to Ryan's bed. "Hey Ryan. Dude you will never believe what I just did. I totally knocked out the therapist just to get up here and see you man. Be proud that you were at the top of the list of people I wanted to see when I gained my freedom. This sucks dude. You can't even tell me I'm rambling. Which I know I am but they are going to be here in a few minutes so I had to get all my words out at once."

"Which you are very good at doing," I turn to find both Mom and Dad at the door with Winely behind them.

"Dude do you think I could take them all out at once? I think the indestructible friendship of Seth and Ryan can stop them. Maybe I should get a rolling start," I say as I back up a little.

"Seth stop. You need to get back to your session," Mom says but I start making revving sounds like an engine.

"Seth Ezekiel, you stop this instant." Dad says coming over to me.

I start to move towards Dad but stop as I hear my name from the other direction of the room.

"Dude did you just say my name?" I ask rolling over to Ryan whose eyes are still closed.

"Seth don't be silly, he's…" The doctor started to say but was cut off by what was obviously Ryan.


End file.
